unbelieveably incredible is this move.....

 

Why? I smsed to a whole string of friends to watch it with me, and noone, NOT a single one is interested (everyone watches the man that lives among webs...ok it's perfectly fine to go with the crowd...BUT, not for me:)

 

Little did I realise how apt it is for me to see this movie at this down point in my life. I identify myself very much with the lead characters, Jesse and Leslie. Perhaps more to Leslie since I am a female.

 

Leslie's enthusiasm for life and belief in everything positive inspires me to emulate this character of hers. Actually, I have this enthusiasm in me as well, just that the 'Jesse' side of me seems to have taken over during rough times when negative things happen in my life.

 

Similarly, Jesse's disappointed feelings towards his family/parents also depicts my own internal feelings towards my family as well...

 

Though this movies seems like a fantasy/special effects disney film, I strongly recommend to anyone who needs some directions in life at this point in time....

 

Strangely and awkwardly, I actually cried for a whole 20mins towards the last part of the show....and luckily most of the audience were groups of secondary and JC students who could not be bothered about me.

 

Won't share about the ending here yet....next time....

 

But really, I have found a stronger motivation to pursue what my heart believes in after this movie - the power of Disney, the magic of Animation, the sparkle of Fantasy...

 

I am beginning to fall in love with imagination and creativity more....

 

so maybe 3dsense is where I should build my bridge to my Terabithia too.

 

My Terabithia is a land where harmony reigns and everyone cares for one another sincerely and Good triumps over Evil - simple and childlike.

 

And I look forward to my new dreams:)

 

Thank you Katherine, Thank you Disney, Thank you my FATHER & father.

 

 

 

Do the children of God still feel the Void? Perhaps I am not close to HIM now such that I become easily weary of life now, especially after many time of trying to realise my dreams but fail ALL the time.

 

From ECG, to AWWA, to Aranda, to SAC, & even NYC, and now 3dsense, I seek to be chasing after something that is impossible to achieve.

 

No matter where I go to, I feel the VOID and I hate to face it. I battled with IT, fought against IT, overcome IT, but somehow, it's still there lurking.....

 

A good friend was telling me I am just trying to escape from my unhappiness at work by doing more community work...but I argued that it is not so...

 

But really, deep down inside me, 'Why am I doing all these?'. Do I really possess the pure & kind heart to wanna see others happy?

 

Maybe yes, maybe NO.....I just wanna find satisfaction in doing these things, which I thought, which I feel God has given me some talents in doing....

 

But seriously, I'm not someone who is able to take care of others, and I'm just lousy in relating to people (because I dream all the time and people around me got tired and sick of my ever-growing dreams all the time)

 

I dream about setting up many businesses, clubs, groups, and dream about many ideas to change the world. I am proud to say some of these have come true (such as organising a big charity concert that brings many youth groups together-YFC 04, my bday charity concert which I sang earlier this year, and of course sending my resumes to MSF-a dream NGO that I wanted to work for since a child).

 

Been reading Paulo's books (Author of 'The Alchemist'), and really, to some extent, I am very impressed with him and his life.

 

Perhaps I can be like him one day, to write to inspire other weary souls. Perhaps my journey now records a kind of hope and inspiration for others in future....

 

perhaps....I dont like to just sit around and moan.

 

3 days after 'The Fall'....and my mood is getting to be at ease...

 

But, The Void is still around....

 

Seeing Ed's baby at Mt Alvernia earlier really cheers everyone. He's so cute!

 

This brings me back to my earlier dreams of setting up an orphanage and foster-care school for street kids in Thailand or Indonesia or China.

 

I believe I can achieve this dream, I sincerely believe so, if I don't give up now....(which I am so tempted to).

 

I wish, on certain days, to just live happily like Windsor, but I can't. I can't just sit around and do nothing after seeing so much and experiencing so much pain and disappointments in my life...surely HE has a reason for these situations and I wanna do my best to translate them into joyful memories and use these as driving forces to go change the wicked world we are living in now....

 

so, this could mean my daily grumbling and reminding colleagues and friends of 'global warming and wastage of plastic bags' will help reduce CFC emission and change the world (the air?)...

 

hahahaha...maybe

 

My heart is still VOID today.....nothing can fill it up....nothing.....except the peace of God.

 

and LOVE.

 

I admit finally I need L.O.V.E today, I need pure LOVE, LOVE for God, LOVE for others....

 

 

 

Lewis Robinsons went through 124 times of adoption interview and still did not get adopted.....

 

 

Only twice and I cannot handle it?

 

My prayer goes like this: "Dear God, why is such a thing happening again?" Truly, the more we expect, the more we will feel the pain. This pain is like a void that keeps eating into your soul and no matter how you try to fill it up, the void remains.

 

But again, it is about SURRENDERING to God's will I guess. Look at Job. God took away his whole family and riches, but he remained faithful and God blessed him in the end still.

 

So, does that mean I should try again and again until God is moved by my sincerity? Hmm, a new thought: maybe God will change his mind too. maybe if we pray hard enough and strive hard enough, God will be moved, just like how human beings are being touched in many scenarios?

 

Maybe....maybe?

 

Just like what many students in this school dream of working in big studios like Disney, Lucasfilm, I only dream of working in Medicins Sans Frontieres (Doctors without Borders). It is like THE only humanitarian organisation that I am totally drawn towards and that my heart jumps upon any new updates in its website.

 

Suddenly, I don't know how to move on from here now....

 

Yes I envy others who have found their ideal jobs or rather people who have found their values and skills best aligned and utilised in a place.

 

As for me, I feel like a wanderer in every place in my life now: Family, Career, Church, Friendships

 

That sense of belonging seems to drift further and further away from me....I don't feel belonged to anywhere.

 

Can I, Do I still dare to dream that the 1st choice candidate cannot make it and Willem will call me on thursday?

 

It is sad to know you are being rejected, but it is even sadder to know you are just number 2.

 

But Morrie ever said, 'What's wrong with being number 2?'

 

 

 

 

ran out of words as my blog title....(it's ok, not many bother to read...)

 

woke up dangerously with a headache....n realise it's kind of flu....n plus the unbearable itch on my dangerously highly sensitive skin, taking an MC is the ONLY thing that I can do today.

 

Broken dreams, broken heart....sighed. Noone would understand my inner thoughts.

 

All I lived for was to go serve the poor, bridge the poverty gap, build a home for the underprivileged in the 3rd world someday..but something happened this week (ya, this is a happening week ya) such that I have to bury this dream and forget about my so-called meaning in life.

 

I'm not a city person, yet I cant live without the comforts and luxuries of city life....all because of my stupid body.

 

What's the use of having a soul when it's dead? (and living in a rotten body). I cant believe myself to say such words but am really very sad about the 'weak' health I have.

 

Knee calves pain, itchy skin, patchy looks (???), unbreathable lungs...

 

just when will I leave this rotten body? (am not looking forward to leave it, but somehow is so sick and tired of bearing with the pain & itch)

 

Cancelled like thousands of appointments these years because of 'relapses' here n there....

 

and waking up almost daily of disturbed sleep made me really tired...(like Goop in MTR)...

 

There used to be a flame in me....n i can feel it's slowly dying, dying out....right now at this moment, i'm battling with itch on my face....(what more do i need to do? already spent enough on Skin specialist....)

 

and it always end up getting more sensitive.....why am i so sensitive to everything?

 

I always thought I have a stronger will than anyone yet my health is weaker than most (and I HATE to be 'weak').

 

My heart is like being stabbed over and over again today....

 

so what if he said 'am sure your faith will lead you through, and I have confidence in you?'

 

I doubt the confidence in myself now.

 

 

 

Like What Lewis Robinson said, 'Keep moving forward'....

 

something (again) happened earlier that made me realise it is time to move on. Is truly a sign from HIM that certain things are not worth pursuing.

 

Got the point quite clear.

 

Somehow I've learnt to let go of the disappointments in my life....it's ok, once you recognised it, and let it go, u'll wake up afreshed again.

 

Accepting the truth is never easy, but it is a path everyone has to go through. Who doesn't wish his dreams/hopes to be realised?

 

I've overcome even more difficult n high falls from tonite's disappointment, so I'll make sure I am alright soon.

 

Next week is the week....

 

Commit the night to HIS hands.